Son of Review: The Elysian Room

The Elysian Room's most notable characteristic is its smell, which is difficult to describe, except with the word 'vegan.' That's not to say that TER is a vegan operation; it just smells vegan.


Coffee:

TER is the only cafe I've visited to employ 'naked' portafilters. The resulting espresso is impressive in texture with thick, plentiful crema, but usually more acidic than I'd prefer. Thick, round lips on the cups necessitate a special kind of sipping, which marginally decreases my enjoyment of the coffee.

Roast seems to vary, but I've most frequently had Intelligentsia.

They also have a clover.

Atmosphere:

Suffice it to say that The Elysian Room is situated among a crystal store, a healthy-attitude sex shop (Green Vagina?) and a BMW dealership. The staff are hipsters of the most well-scrubbed variety.

Review the First: Agro Cafe

Agro Cafe (or Cafe Agro, depending on the name) is insignificantly situated between a Thai restaurant and a sidewalk in Yaletown, Vancouver's Yaletown. Its distinguishing features include an abundance of African shit, reasonably comfortable Urban-Barnish leather chairs and a glass panel in the bathroom wall which becomes opaque when the room is in use.

Vibe (for lack of a better word):

Agro's two most prominent themes are the romanticization and patronization of Africa and African culture. They are limited in manifestation to the following:

• Precious cultural relics of Africa
• A 'Crop2Cup' policy, described on little signy things on all of the tables
• A continuous photo-montage of the owner's visit to Africa projected onto the wall facing the main entrance
• A bizarre print behind the counter on brown paper of an African boy, arms crossed b-boy style

Music (should probably be part of 'Vibe'):

The music played at Cafe Agro, a welcome departure from the African themes, seems to be chosen by an omnipresent barista and is, for the most part, safe, yet very agreeable. Played (and recognized) during my presence:

• Belle & Sebastian
• Hawksley Workman
• The Strokes

Coffee:

Agro roast their own coffee and have, arguably, done a good job of it. They may be my favourite Vancouver roaster.

Milk drinks frequently come with attractive and well executed patterns on top and espresso is smooth and well-proportioned.

I should mention that a Clover brand machine is employed in place of a regular drip machine. Clover-brewed is quickly becoming my favourite form of coffee.

Other Consumables:

Pastries at Agro are traditional in type, pleasantly arranged and reasonably delicious. Standard sandwich fare with a slight granola twist is available, as are various organic juices and sodas.

Clientele:

Yaletown.

Opinions of an unqualified stranger: Why there is no good reason for you to ever return here

It is my intention that this blog become the primary destination for Vancouver residents and visitors seeking incoherent, mood-dependent reviews of well known cafes in the Vancouver area.

It's a long way to the top, but I am prepared to sacrifice valuable hours of maddening solitude to spread my message of whimsy and bitterness to those whom it affects most: hardworking entrepreneurs, offended by my unfair and unwarranted slander of their establishments.

And now, beloved reader, I present to you my first review, somewhere above or below this post, depending on how this thing works.

B.M.